|Chroniques - English paper|
How to forgive, how to say “I am sorry”? I guess it is not very difficult to find a person who has said or heard “ I am sorry”. In our daily life we have to deal with many situations which can lead to quarrels, misunderstandings with our boss, family or friends. Despite the fact that we have no intention to hurt anyone, cause them trouble or do them harm. Our human nature sometimes does not allow us to forgive or plead guilty, however in this first case – I have a feeling that we love “put finger” into our wounds.
When I take into account my close friends it seems to me that we just love coming back to the things which hurt us and sometimes it is like we are addicted to feel the pain and when we feel happy it is like abnormal state, because no reason to feel that way… and some of us blame others for their failures.
I think that in our life we always should go forward despite wounds and adversity. We should never stand still in place or move back. Of course the easiest way is to excuse oneself of failures because of harms which met us in the past. Why it is easier to say “if I was not criticized as a child, I would be more self-confident and I would attain what I want” or “I drink, because my father drank as well”. I guess that we just do not understand that when we come back to harm which met us, we just do a bigger harm to ourselves. When the relationship ends and we do not expect it, it is very easily to come into paranoia, I was in the same situation as well and after 2 years, during the conversation with a person which is close to my heart I heard “ I hated you, but I realized that hatred only hurts one- me and I thought why to hate you? And I stopped hating you.” Sometimes, we need our time to understand things why something had to happen, maybe for our good? Maybe for our self-development or maybe just something is not destined for us and we have to leave the old to find the new?
What happens when we have done something and we feel that we have to apologize? We are scared of apologizing, probably because we are afraid of misunderstanding and humiliation and our apology in the final phase will be rejected. Maybe we should considering what is worse, despite the fear, throw off the burden with all the consequences, or live with them… but surely both solutions do not belong to the easy and pleasurable.
The art of forgiving and apologizing is very hard. How to forgive? Maybe on the early beginning it is better for you to keep your emotions in check and we should take a look at the culprit’s point of view. Think what could be a cause this and not other behavior : events of the past, fear, problems they can not deal with? Of course there are some people who hurts others and they even do not realize, also are people who do not know that by their behavior they hurt someone and we wait that they will understand and say “ I am sorry”. It can be a mother who criticizes her child all the time, starts fighting without reason just to relieves herself after a hard day. I think that explanation them the way their act is senseless, they will never understand how we can feel and it the end that just can say “do not worry in life you will have worst” or they will state that our problems are exaggerated.
Once I read a very good quote that sits in my head till today “When you bear a grudge against somebody, it is like letting someone lives for free in your head”. So maybe when we start dwelling on something what only brings to us negative emotions, maybe we should think about something nice just to stop it. Of course I am not talking about traumatic experiences - because in this situations the specialist help is needed.
If we belong to this group of people who need to apologize, we should do that as soon as it is possible. When we try to put aside our apology, we should be prepared that it only increase the sense of grief at the person you have hurt. Sincere apology will show that we care and that we are sorry. We should say that we understand her/his anger and why feels touched. I hope that I will not have to apologize anyone once again and I hope that I will be more indulgent when someone will try to apologize me. This is what I wish for you too, no situations which lead to hurting someone and inversely